Questions for "The System"

Why is it that when we're harried, overworked, or under deep stress, the first things we drop always seem to be the things we do for ourselves? I suppose this is some kind of cultural Catholic guilt at work, but fuck -- we need to treat ourselves at least half as well as we treat others, if we want to keep up the energy and enthusiasim for all that dependability.

I speak to this because I realized tonight that I'm missing a lot from my life that I used to find time for. The cowboy-comic-on-playing-cards idea I had to abandon in the interests of time; same with the "Mitosis: a Postmodern Interpretation" play, the story about the magician, all the backed-up data entry for GEP, literary submissions, old SF novels, birding altogether, late-night-talks for the most part, and anything resembling a board or video game. Whether they be creative endeavor or mere recreation, I miss those activities. I miss the parts of me that were self-employed. Why is the business of Becky failing?

Because the business of The-Rest-of-the-World has asserted a monopoly on time. Well, fuck you, Tick-Tock Man. Grad school aps I've got to do, and timely, or the only one I'm shooting in the foot is myself. That junk is pretty non-negotiable. But all the rest of "it?" Scrap. I'm gonna take me out on more jaunts like tonight, and lounge around a well-stocked table with some great people, shooting the shit. Assignments, you can all visit Hell for awhile. I'm busy.