Spinach

Okay, I got a haircut. Actually, I got all of them cut, and the mullet is no more. Nobody seems to have noticed the change but at least I feel better about my place in this decade.

What's up with the spinach scare? Are a number of restaurants really taking spinach off the menu? Jesus, people, spinach is probably the safest now that it will ever be---about eight million watchdog groups (or at least, eight million people working for one or two watchdog groups) are now staring spinach down in great, natural, man v spinach contests. Daring spinach to become a threat. Just daring it.

And spinach is backing down, because the heat is on. There will never be a safer time to eat spinach than right now, when the national crop has been tested a bazillion times.

In the spirit of my point, I ought to check my e-mail on a computer with a Dell battery while spinning in a Firestone tire swing and eating a big ol' rabbity spinach salad. But I'm not. Know why? 'Cause I'm a little scared.

And that's why, no matter the intellectual debate, no matter the grey cells' cooing and reassurance, the spinach farmers are totally fucked this year.